Finally, a time to write... now that my brother isn't home...
This is a time i can speak about my condition
I don't know whats up, but ill give u my rendition
This is a struggle i have from a normal transition
From boy to man, between's an awkward position
Things occurring to change me without my volition
Screw this stupid rhyme, and onto my composition

Hard times it is. Parents and brother are caught up the college issues, while I'm left in the dark. My dad "quit" his job. My mom is sick. My brother is so goddarn annoying. I don't know why I'm so strongly affected. I'm suddenly getting mood swings.
The company my dad worked for for years has decided to downsize (darn economy). He came home drunk and crying. Crying. It shook me up inside. I can't help being reduced to tears when I think about it. My dad still "goes to work." Wakes up at 6 every morning and leaves at 7. Things seem normal on the surface. I wonder what he's doing. This probably screws up our financial situation since my brother's got to go to college. My parents won't be able to pay for my college years. I probably won't get any scholarships because of my horrible grades and lack of extracurriculars. *sigh* my fault really. I'll either not go to college (what's the point?) or work my ass off trying to pay for it. Probably don't have enough determination for the latter. My ambition lies dead along with a pool of lies and mental agony.
My mom, she works hard, trying to make ends meet. Each dollar, i think about before using. I hate using money. But I'm selfish in the way i still go out to eat every school day. I just can't stand cafeteria food. It's either disgusting or insufficient. I don't know how people can survive on that.
My brother is constantly annoying me. Now he has more ammunition. Each time I cry, there's another thing for him to laugh at. Sometimes i wish he'd cease to exist. But, maybe the problem is just me. Most likely. For now, all I can do is wait a few months so he'll be in college... far, far away.
I don't really know why this situation affects me so much. I've survived worse. Maybe it's because I've been holding things in. Maybe soon, I'll just explode. Like a down power line or like the rice krispies guys, maybe i'll snap, crackle, and pop.
Mood swings. One moment I'm happy, another I'm depressed. Happens a bit too often now.
School. I'm screwed for Spanish oral on monday. SCREWED. USH test will probably be BS, so w/e. But spanish, I'm utterly screwed. There goes another C for my transcript.
I only wish I could fade out of existence. Slowly, to ease the transition, to allow time for people to accept that I don't truly fit in to the world as a whole. To allow time for people to forget who I am and get on with their busy lives. I wish I could help people with this disappearing. I want to take a bullet for someone.